I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
