I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
