there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i already hear my dad disowning me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
