if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
