they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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