Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
