he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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