Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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