the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
