So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
