All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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