just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
