she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
