Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
