So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
