So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
