If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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