i wish my penis had a tongue
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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