Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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