I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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