it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
