belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
