based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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