You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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