There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
