you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
