just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
