Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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