Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
