easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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