last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
