He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
