Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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