my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
