Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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