she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
