Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
