New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
