im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
