What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well I can't set my house on fire every night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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