dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
