So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize