i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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