He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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