We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
