Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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