YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
