I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
