just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
