i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
