we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
