Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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