he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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