i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize