i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
