if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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