My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
