we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize