I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
