She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
