i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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