I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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