Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
