It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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