honey bunches of taint.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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