I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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