i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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