Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize