I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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