They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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