I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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