That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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