Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
