he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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