I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
