Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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