If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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