So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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