my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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