Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize