Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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