My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
