So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
