so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
