Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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