my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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