So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
