Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
