Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
