weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
