You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
