i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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