dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
