I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
