I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
