Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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