you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
